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Monday, November 02, 2020

The Heart Wants What It Wants

What would you do when you found out that your ex is now your bestfriend's groom to be?
I know he is an X but let me tell you something.
He's not just a normal ex. He was more than that. He was my frst love, my long time boyfriend for 7 years and the one who broke my heart.
Allow me to share my story here.
Call me Ari. I met Drake when I was in grade school. We were neighbors and we live in a subdivision here in Cebu. We're neighbors but we don't actually care about each other until such time nag ka classmate mi when I was in grade 5. We go to the same school starting grade 1 but we've never been in a same class until I was grade 5. He was handsome, white skin, nice nose and a straight hair. Ever since he was transferred to our section, he became the prince charming till grade six. The funny thing was that I was the consistent muse in our section since grade 3. Hahaha
My classmates are saying stuffs like ""I like him"", ""he's handsome"" and many more. Even girls from other sections nagka crush niya.
At that time naka sense lang ko nga I started to like him. I don't know why, one day nikalit lang and boom he became my crush. I guess na develop lng ko cause everytime naay Mr and Ms kami duha ang mo compete for our section. If there are upcoming Mr and Ms events, I would see him often because we need to practice the steps, the production number and many more.
Until one day eh sungog2 nami. I would react in a way nga ""Ayaw mo ana oy, Di man gud, Unsa mn mo oy"" but deep inside i was super kilig na ❤
Our relationship started when we were in grade six. Well i can say it's mutual understanding because we became so close with each other. We would eat together, and sometimes he's very touchy. He will hold my hand for no reason, he will touch my cheeks and there are times nga mag gara2 sya nako. I can still remember that time nga nag groupings mi, fortunately we were on the same group. It was a project for our Science subject. It was kinda long so we need to help each other. We were 5 in the group and we decided to do the project at Vincent's house. That was Saturday and I think we started at around 1pm. He was waiting for me outside and we went there together. Around 6pm we were done making the project and we decided to eat outside. Namakak pajod mis among classmate nga manguli nami but the truth is nag plan mi nga mo eat nga kami lang.
And guess what? Nanguyab sya nako hahaha. He asked me if I can be his girlfriend daw and I said YES! ❤
We went to the same school pag HS. Same section. He met my family, I met his. WE WERE SO PERFECT. He took my virginity but I was devastated when I found out that he was no longer virgin at that time. I was mad and we were fighting. I asked him if kinsa iya frst and he told me that he met a girl when he was just GRADE 4. YATI! Yes grade 4! He told me nga she met a girl nga super duper in love niya, 2 years older than him and that bitch took his virginity. I was so mad but as time goes by, I decided to accept the truth because I loved him more than anything else. And if you love the person you would accept his past.
Just like any other relationship, we also had our ups and downs. But we were strong and we're always there for each other. Until ni graduate mi og highschool. We remained strong. He was the PERFECT BOYFRIEND. super sweet, no pride and very caring. For the past years never jd mi nagka issue og third party. We were both loyal to each other. Until nag college mi, same school ghapon but not the same course. I took up Psychology and he took up Civil Engineering.
Until one day...
3rd yr college nami and I found out that they will move to Manila. I was shock. I was crying when he told me. I mean sakit sya honestly. That feeling nga since grade school kuyog namo and this will be the first time nga mag lagyo mi. I was crying for several nights and we even tried to talk to his parents nga pabilin lng sya sa Cebu but his dad told me this and I can still remember it till now (not exactly the same words)
Tito: Ari I know love kaayo ninyo ang usag usa. I know dugay na kaayo mo but this is a family decision man gd. Naka decide nami sa imong tita Ana nga mo balhin nami sa Manila. Drake is our only son and di pwede nga d namo sya dad'on. Just keep in touch with him total naa rami sa Manila. I'm sorry if di ko mo sugot sa inyong hangyo. I hope you understand nak.
Starting that day mas ni intense among bonding. We always go out, spend time with each other, we even had plans nga once naa na sya sa Manila mag puli2 mi og larga. I will visit him there and he will visit me here. Our plan was perfect. And our means of communication was thru cellphone and social media.
I always wish nga mo stop ang time but I know it won't happen. Until naabot ang day nga pinakahadlok sa tanan. Mamalhin na sila og Manila. Huhuhu. That very frst day nga wa nako kita niya, I feel so lifeless. Soooooooooooo boring, intense ang kamingaw. Manawag sya manghilak ming duha. We would always express how much we missed each other. Minutes, weeks, days and months has passed never jd namo nabuhat nga mkalarga ang usa. It's very hard cause klase ko and siya pud. On top of that di jod ko sugtan ni dada og ni mommy. He promised nga ig summer mo ari sya so I realized mag wait nlng ko. But before pa maabot ang summer naa nasad koy nabalitaan nga bad.
They're migrating to Australia and that totally BROKE MY HEART. Nalain ko cause wa jd sya naka mention nga sauna pa ni nila nga plan. I remember not talking to him for almost 2 weeks until one day... Sunday morning ge pukaw nlng ko ni mommy and I found out nga naa diay si Drake. Iya ko ge ari. When I saw him I was about to cry but my parents were there so I decided not to. Nag wait sya nako and after that we went straight to his house. To his room, to his bed. When we were alone, that's the time I burst out all of my tears. Nag flash back tanan2 memories namo sa iyang room and everything. Although empty na ilang house but ang porma mao pajod kaayo. For how many months nga wala ko kita niya and karon naa na sya sa akong kilid I wanna hug him so tight. I missed him so bad. But I was mad and sad kay I know nga 2 months from now wala na siya sa Pinas. He tried to talk with me. He said nga kayanon namo for our future. He even said nga he wanted to stay here but ang masunod iya jd papa. He will stay here for 1 week only so ge sulit na namo. We made love and nag make pami og mas grabe nga memories.
FF. Naabot na ang time nga manglarga na sila. Our means of communication was thru skype and fb. But things change, we started to fight over silly things, there are times nga di nami mag msg sa usag usa. Long distance was fucking hard. We became cold until one day nag chat mi sa skype and we were fighting again until naabot mi sa topic nga eh end among relationship. Simple msg nga stop nami and that's it. After ana wa namiy communication. Wa nako ni msg niya and so was he. None of us tried to make things work again. It was very hard. Super duuper hard. LDR is really not easy.
I went on with my life. I was broken hearted and it took me awhile to move on. I deleted all our pictures and everything that reminds me of him. I met some guys but I never had a serious relationship after Drake.
FF. I got a job after I graduated. Then after 1 year I got promoted and kailangan nako mo balhin sa office namo sa Manila. When I was in Manila, I met my co worker Jasmine. She's beautiful and sweet then we became best of friends. Naka mention sya nga before sya ni ari sa Manila nag work daw sya before sa Australia and ddto niya na meet iyang boyfriend and engaged na sila. Best friends mi ni Jasmine but it's kinda different sa typical nga mag bestfriend cause in terms of personal life like love life, family and uban pang personal na kaayo nga things di kay mi mag hsgot ana. Were more on things nga ganahan mi. We go out together, we go shopping. We've been like that for almost 5 months.
One time we were eating lunch ni share sya nko and I can really see in her eyes nga kilig kaayo sya. She told me nga mo ari na og Pinas iyang fiance. At that time we started to talk on personal things na. I became curious kung unsay face sa iyang boyfriend then she showed me her phone. When I saw the pic. I WAS SHOCK. I knew the guy. I knew him. He was Drake, my ex. When I saw his picture with Jasmine, I felt like I'm about to collapse. I looked at his face, his lips, his eyes and for me he was still the same man years ago. The moment i saw the picture I act like I didn't know him. I tried to stay normal as possible as I can so that Jasmine won't noticed.
That same day I went home to my apartment, I found myself crying and I don't know the reason why.
Why am I crying? It's not like he cheated on me! Wala naman mi diba? So ngano ga hilak man ko? Naka move on naman ko diba? Huhuhu. The next thing I knew I was looking at our pictures. Before i tried to delete them but I just can't do it. Ge save ra nako sa photobucket pero ang folder sa amng pc sa house ako na ge delete. This time mas ni grabe na akng hilak. Huot kaayo akng dughan. Ni flashback ang mga memories and mura nakog mabuang. I questioned myself. Naka move on na ba jod ko? I think no. A part of me still yearns for his love, his hug and everything. But what kills me at this moment is that knowing he loves someone already and that someone is my bestfriend. They don't have wedding plans yet but engaged na sila. So that means anytime from now they will surely tie the knot. And I know that one day I will definitely receive the scariest invitation card in my whole life.
The next day before going to work I prayed to God nga hopefully I can control my emotions. I won't change para d maka notice si Jasmine. I want to stay as normal as I can. When I arrived at the office everything was fine. Chika2 mi and never ko ni mention sa iyang fiance. After that day I went home and naa lang koy kalit na huna hunaan. Me and Jasmine are friends on facebook. Btw ako old facebook before ako ge delete cause right after our break up i didn't use fb for almost a year. I created a new account and tbh I was not so active in facebook compared to twitter. Naka decide ko nga mang stalk. I opened Jasmine's profile and when I scrolled down. There's this one photo taken in Palawan, I was wearing a black bikini and Jasmine was wearing a bra plus shorts. Tge caption was ""My sister from another mother"". I went to check the comments section and I found one comment I believe it's from Jasmine's brother(Tonton). He said...
Tonton: Bunso ganda niyan pakilala mo naman sakin
Jasmine: Sure kuya ganda nitong si Ari lalo na't sa personal
Tonton: Single ba? Haha
Jasmine: Sobra hehe. Uwi kana kasi
After reading that comment, I remembered that Ari told me may gusto daw Kuya niya sakin. I got curious so I open Tonton's profile and he was really handsome.
2nd comment caught my attention. I knew from then on that it was Drake's profile. He said
Drake: Sino yan babe?
Jasmine: Yung sinabi kong bestfriend ko sa office babe si Ari. Remember?
Drake: Ay oo nga pala. Ngayon ko lng kasi nakita hehe. Ingat ka ha. I love you
Jasmine: Ang sweet hehe. I love you more babe.
And this photo was taken 2 months ago katong nag team building mi sa Palawan. She uploaded the photo on facebook the next day. And that's when I realized na mas una nakabaw namong duha si Drake nga bestfriend mi ni Jasmine. I was 2 months late. Gosh!!
I don't know what to do when I found out that I was 2 months late. I can't sleep that night so I reached out to my HS bestfriend Jelly. Jelly knows a lot about me and Drake. I wanted to be quiet raman unta but I can't take it anymore. I need someone to help me, give me some advice and someone who would listen to me. I called her that night and thank God she answered my call. This was the conversation we had (same thought but not the exact words - this applies to all of the conversations in the story)
Jelly: Hello ming?
(we call each other ming, shortcut sa miming)
Me: Hi ming nag unsa ka?
Jelly: Nag hgda2 ra. Rd nako today.
Me: Aw. Naa kay time ron?
Jelly: Oh sure. Why man naay problem?
Me: Sorry ming need lng jd kaayo tika. Hope you will listen.
Jelly: Hala oh oy. I'm always here. Ngano lage ka?
Me: you remember Drake?
Jelly: Your ex?
Me: Yes
Jelly: Yes. Why? Nag commu mo balik?
Me: Di oy. You know Jasmine right?
Jelly: Oh katong ge puli nimo nako ming?
Me: Amaw bestfriend rami sa work pero ikaw jd bya akong pinakabestfriend
Jelly: Joke ra ming. Why? What happened to Jasmine?
Me: Boyfriend niya si Drake and their engaged.
Jelly: What?? Sure oy. That's complicated jd ming. Kabaw si Jasmine?
Me: No. And I don't know if kaya ba nako ma storya niya. The thing is 2 months ago nag Palawan mi. Then I didnt know nga ni post diay si Jasmine og pic namong duha nya ni comment si Drake.
Jelly: Niunsa sya?
Me: Wa man sya ka recognize nako then nag iloveyou sya ni Jasmine. (my voice was shaking that time)
Jelly: Normal rana ming. Ofcourse Drake won't tell Jasmine but he knows nga ikaw to. Wa paka ka move on?
Me: naka move naman ta ko but I don't know why nasakitan pa ko.
Jelly: Normal rana ming. You've been together for a long time biya.
(I told her everything and sa ge ingon ni Jasmine nako nga mo anhi sa Pinas si Drake. )
Jelly: So if kabaw na sya 2 months ago nga close mos iyang gf unsa may buot pasabot niya nga mo ari sya dre?
Me: I don't know ming. Ge kalimtan naman unta nako siya. Ngano in'ani paman?
Jelly: What a small world ming. Bsag ako di ko katuo nga sa kadghang taw ngano na in'ana pjod.
Me: Lge ming pls help me huhu. I don't know what to do.
Jelly: If you will choose between Drake and Jasmine, knsay mas bug'at para nimo?
When she asked that fucking question, I really don't know what to answer. Drake has a huge part sa akong past, he was my frst love. 7 years sa among relationship dghan na kaayog nahitabo. And for Jasmine, I loved her so much. She's really kind and I can feel nga love kaayo ko niya as a bestfriend.
Me: I don't know.
Jelly: Di ko kabaw unsaon nako pag tabang nimo but ang pinaka frst nga buhaton nimo para ma advisan tika is to answer that question.
Me: Honestly ming I don't know jd.
Jelly: Give yourself some time lng sa ming, eventually you will know kung knsa imong pilion. Nakalitan lang jd ka and I know di jd lalim. Pero what if ikaw si Jasmine?
She asked another crazy question huhu. Jelly was right. What if ako si Jasmine? Huhu. Wala may sala si Jasmine sguro. Usa pd nag meet sila ni Drake wala naman mi. So after she asked me that question I know na what to answer sa frst question ni Jelly. I chose Jasmine but Jelly told me to give myself more time. She told me I will know the answer once I see Drake.
Then we said goodbye to each other kay ge sugo syas iyang mama. I don't know what to do jud. Huot kaayo akng heart. Murag ambot hays. How I wished magka amnesia kos mga happy moments namo together. That feeling nga PERFECT na unta kaayo. Why God why? At that time I wanted to scream or cry and let it all out because it was killing me inside. Huhuhuhuhuu
FF. I remained as normal as I can everytime I see Jasmine. But I think nkabantay na sya nga murag ni layo nako niya cause one day iya ko ge confront sa office.
Jasmine: Ari parang nag iba ka these past few days.
Me: Sorry Jas medyo off ako these past few days may problema kasi sa amin.
Jasmine: Kaya nga nandito ako diba para namang hindi mo ko pwedeng sabihan sa mga problema mo.
Me: Family problem lang Jas ayaw na rin kasi kitang idamay pa.
Jasmine: Walang problema yun. Ano ba kasi problema mo?
Me: I think mag reresign nako
Jasmine: What? Bakit?
Me: Kasi need ako ni mommy sa Cebu.
Jasmine: Pwede ka naman mag leave eh wag ka nang mag resign sayang talaga lalo na yung promotion na sinasabi ni sir sayo.
Me: Kaya nga eh pag iisipan ko muna. Sguro mag leleave nlng muna ako.
Jasmine: Yes mag leave ka nalang muna at promise mo sakin di ka mag reresign okay?
After that day, I filed a one week leave which is 2 weeks ahead sa date nga mo leave ko and I realized that I wanted to resign na jod. I love my job, no comment sa salary kay so far so good plus I'm one of the candidates for another promotion but I'm not happy anymore. I want to stay away from Jasmine. I want to do this for myself, for Jasmine and for our friendship.
The next day after she confronted me ni balik nasad among closeness cause sa office sya joy mag una2 og suod nako at the same time naluoy nlng sd ko niya. Jasmine has nothing to do with this. She 's innocent and I need to be mature. So nag ka close napud mi but sometimes I can't help watching her smile while holding her phone. Huhuhuhu
The day before sa akong leave ni approach sya nako sa office. She was smiling and ga kirig2 sa ka kilig. She said nga nag send daw og video iyang fiance. She showed me the video. I was holding my tears while watching it. He was playing the guitar and was singing ""Never thought that I could Love"" by Dan Hill. I questioned myself WHY? He used to sing this song to me with a guitar on his hand too huhuhu. I told Jasmine ""Wow ang sweet niya at maganda ang boses niya"" then she giggled and went back to her seat. I excused myself and went straight to the comfort room. I was crying silently. Sakita btaw 💔 My heart can't take it anymore. I tried to hold my tears but I just can't help it. I don't deserve all of this pain. I did nothing wrong huhuhu. I tried to wipe my tears but my co workers noticed it as well as Jasmine. I told them nga na puling ko. Then I went home. I was crying again. I told Jelly about the video and she told me that once naa nako sa Cebu she will help me forget Drake. I packed my things and I was ready to go home.
When I got home I remembered the place again. Not far sa amoa kay ilang house before but naay ga rent. When I got inside I saw mom and I hugged her. I was crying and she asked why? I told her I missed them but apart from that I know it's because of Drake. I went straight to my room. I looked for the the box where most of our memories were kept. I tried to get rid of these things before but I just can't do it. I hated myself for not doing it before tssk. I opened and saw everything huhu. Our couple shirt, the ring he gave me, some of our love letters, the key chain, the scrapbooks, his gifts and one thing that caught my attention was the letter he gave me on our 4th anniversary. He wrote there the lyrics of the song "Never thought that I could love" and i'm crying again huhuhu.
That same day, I placed the box in a huge black plastic, went to the dump and put it inside the big trash bin. At that time willing na kaayo ko nga eh erase among memories. Sa one week nga akong pag stay sa Cebu perti kong laag. Ge enjoy nako akng self. Party dre, party ddto. Naa koy na fling2 but ambot oy nga bsag gwapo d man nako feel. I thanked God for this leave kay naka help jd sya nako.
When I was in Cebu, I told my mom about it and her advice was to let go of the man who was not strong enough to fight for our love. And about Jasmine? my mom told me nga for now I should keep it as a secret kay for sure ma hurt si Jasmine. And since Drake is her fiance then it's his job to tell her everything about me. I felt relieved. I was happy nga ni share ko ni mommy. The day nga molarga nako sa Manila I was ready to face everything na.
FF everything was fine. My relationship with Jasmine was okay but there were times nga masakitan ghapon ko labaw nag mo share sya ni Drake but as time goes by naanad nlng sguro ko. I'm just waiting for the day nga mo confront si Jasmine nako but wala man jd. Okay kaayo mi og wa jod syay ge sulti nako. So maybe wa pjod ni tug'an si Drake niya.
One day I received a text message from an unknown number. The message was a simple "Hi". I didn't mind it cause hate jd nako nang eh textmate2 ko. When I arrived at the office the next day, Jasmine approached me and said "Kuya asked for your number kaya binigay ko". That time ga duda nako nga basin si Tonton to ang ni text nako. When I got home from the office, the same number texted me again and I replied. After a few messages I found out that he was really Tonton. Funny sya ka text, bright sya actually. And nauli sya sa Pinas one week ago na kay gkan sd syag Australia. Lumad taga Manila sila but ilang auntie nga naka bana og Australian mao ang ga help nila maka adto og Australia. Ilang parents nagpabilin ra dre. But since namatay ilang papa so niuli si Jasmine og ge kuyogan iyang mama dre sa Manila. I can feel that Tonton likes me but I didn't mind it cause di ko ganahan. Nagkita nami not once, not twice but kadghan na but we're just friends. We've been like that for how many months and kami ni Jasmine okay rami medyo wa na nko ge mind si Drake. Until pag Christmas party namo ni share si Jasmine nga mo anhi na si Drake ig March and naa sila wedding plans ig December. I don't know why pero nasakitan naman sd nuon kos iyang ge strya nako. Especially when she said this line "Ari sa wedding ko ikaw ang kukunin kong maid of honor". Huhu
Pila ka months na unta ko na hilom but karon ge pukaw nasad ko. 3 months from now dako kaayog chance nga magkita nami ni Drake and nakulbaan napud kog sugod.
I told Jelly about it and she said nga much better if magkita nami para makabaw najd kos akng tnuod nga feeling and para mabutngan og tarong nga closure among relationship ni Drake.
FF frst week nato sa March when I received a call from Jasmine. When I answered the call, she was crying. She told me that she was mad because Drake, her fiance can't come due to an emergency. He will come by June pa daw. When she told me that mura kog nakaginhawa og lawm but at the same time ge comfort sd nako si Jasmine.
March 25 is Jasmine's birthday and around 2nd week of March I received a msg from Tonton saying that they're planning to surprise Jasmine for her birthday. Part sa plan iyang relatives, Jasmine's close friends pag hs, and some of our co workers. Actually 6 mi kabuok nga suod sa work pero kami jd ni Jasmine ang pinaka close. We were so busy that time and they rented a function room in a nice hotel.
One day Jasmine told us that she's going to have a simple birthday celebration and she's inviting us, her close friends at work. It's already part of the plan that we won't accept her invitation. My co workers gave their own reasons but sgeg pamugos si Jasmine nako, so i told her I'm going home to Cebu that day kay naay emergency so nisabot nlng sya. The day before the big day ge sabot mi ni Tonton nga magdungan mi og adto kay mag sayo mi tanan para masurprise si Jasmine and mao daw nasabotan sa iyang mga relatives. He will bring a white van and hapiton ra mi niya kauban sa akng mga workmates.
March 25 came. I wore a dress and I was busy preparing for the things that I need to bring as well as my gift for Jasmine. Around 6pm i received a text from Tonton. He said he's waiting outside so nag dali2 kog gawas sa apartment. I saw a white van and ni naog si Tonton gikan sa driver's seat. Niduol sya nya iya ko ge ingnan nga sa likod lang sa ko lingkod kay naa daw nakabutang sa front seat. When he opened the door I was shocked. I saw a man seating there, with a familiar face and he was looking at me. My legs felt numb and I don't know how to react. The next thing I knew I was sitting right behind him on the next seat. Naa sya sa frst and naa ko sa second nga seat. Ni sud dayon si Tonton sa driver's seat and iya ge pa ila ila si Drake nako huhu.
Tonton: Drake, siya si Ari bestfriend at co worker ni Jas.
I stared at his hair, his neck, his back then nilingi sya nako sa likod ni smile nya ni tando. I can really tell nga kaila sya nako, naka feel ko nga uneasy sya, og d jod ko kalimot nga perti syang tan'aw nako pag abli ni Tonton sa door. I don't know what to do. I'm screaming inside! Huhuhu
Tonton: Ari sya nga pala si Drake, fiance ni Jas. Actually aside sa bday party surprise mag propropose sya ngayon for the second time in front sa family namin at hindi alam ni Jasmine to. Ang alam lang kasi niya ay June pa darating itong si Drake eh.
When he said the word "Propose for the second time" mura nag ge dunggab akng heart. Sad huhu 💔
After pila ka years naka kita ko niyag balik and mas affected na nuon ko this time nga kita najd ko niya sa personal. I stayed calm while ge pick up namo ang akng workmates and ni dretso mi sa hotel. Wa najod ko nilingi og balik niya and ni dtso ko sa cr. Kahilakon ko but ako ge try og control then pag taod2 nanggawas nami and nag wait na sa sud. Samtang naa mi sa sud kapila mi nag ka eye to eye ni Drake pero bawion jd nko permi. Until ge off na ang lights and naabot si Jasmine. Pag sud ni Jasmine ni kanta mi og Happy birthday song and shock kaayo sya pagkita namo. Then taod2 ge pa play ang song nga "Never thought that I could love" by Dan Hill. Then I saw Drake nagluhod sa atubangan ni Jasmine ni propose. The next thing I knew nanghilak na iyang family, as well as Jasmine and wa ko kabantay nakahilak napud diay ko. Huhuhu
After ato mag start nag pangaon pero wa nako nikaon nag dali2 kog ikyas while nalingaw pa si Jasmine og entertain sa uban guest and while nalipat pa ang uban. At that time ang naa sa akng mind kay makahawa jd ko ddto kay di na jd kaya. Dmd na. Dali2 kog sakay sa elevator niya nigawas sa hotel. When I got out from the hotel mura kog nakalingkawas and ni tulo nasad og balik akong luha. No words can express how broken I am at that time. Perti kong para og taxi pero puros puno. Paglingi nakos may entrance sa hotel nakit'an man na nakos Drake nagsunod nako og iya kong ge tawag "Ari, ari!". Naratol ko atong tyma kay basin naay makakita namo so nilakaw kog paspas and maygani akng napara nga taxi way sud. Nag dali2 kog sakay then uli pdng sakong apartment. Samtang nagsakay kos taxi ato nag wonder jd ko nganong iya kong ge sunod og iya kong ge tawag hays 🙁
On my way home, the taxi driver asked me if I'm okay because I was crying. I told him I'm fine and I think naka gets na sya cause wa na sya ni bother nga mangotanag balik. When I got inside my apartment, I went straight to my bed and cried my heart out. Why was he running after me? For what? I was really curious kung unsa iyang gsto eh storya. He left a huge question mark on my mind hays.
After how many minutes, I received a txt message from Jasmine. She was asking if asa ko. Another txt msg from Tonton and another one from my workmate. I don't know what to reply honestly but good thing naka think ko nga i will use diarrhea as an alibi. I lied. I told them nga ka 3 nako nag balik2 sa cr. I said sorry and I congratulated Jasmine. I think that's the frst time nga ni congratulate ko nga di ko happy. I didn't mean to feel that way hays.
The next day when I woke up, grabe ka hubag akng eyes so I decided not to show up for work. I used the same alibi ""Diarrhea"". Then nag tanga nlng ko sa bed. I was super blank that day. Lupig pang ga drugs cause paminaw nako perti nakong lutawa. Wa koy gana mag breakfast plus I don't know what to do so ge try nakog call si Jelly. Sad to say she was busy. Padong na sya work and d sya maka talk nako so I decided to call mommy. The moment nga ge tubag ni mommy ang call and nakadungog kos iyang tingog nihilak nakog maayo and sa way pag duha2 ge sultian nako si mommy tanan. Naluoy si mommy nako huhu. Gusto sya mo resign ko total dghan pa kuno kong ma applyan sa Cebu and at the same time d nako layo nila. After the call, I felt okay. Atleast naa koy na share ran sa akng na feel.
That same day I received a txt from Jasmine. She was asking if okay ra ba ko and ingon pa sya nga iya kong hapiton sa apartment ig out niya. Nahadlok ko kay basin mgkuyog sila ni Drake so what I did nilikay lang sa ko ni Jasmine. Ge off nako akng phone and nilakaw ko.
I went home at around 10pm and ge sugat kos landlady niana sya naa daw nangita nako ganihang mga 6pm and I know si Jasmine jd to. Nakaginhawa tawn kog lawm. Nalipay ko nga wa jd mi nag kaabot ni Jasmine.
I tried to call Jelly that night and good thing she wasn't busy anymore
When she answered the phone, i told her everything.
Jelly: nakulbaan ka pag kita nnyo ming?
Me: yes ming
Jelly: Nasakitan ka?
Me: Kaayo
Jelly: I think you still love him ming.
Me: I don't know ming huhu. Love pa kaha ko niya?
Jelly: I'm not sure. Pero ni propose naman sya for the 2nd time gud. In front pajod sa family and that means serious sya ni Jasmine.
Me: pero nganong ni gukod paman sya nako?
Jelly: lage nag wonder sd ko. Basin naa syay gsto eh sulti?
Me: Unsa mn iyang eh sulti?
Jelly: basin mangumusta, maybe he wants closure or basin love paka niya. What do you think?
Me: ambot ming oy, unsay buhaton nako?
Jelly: I don't know ming but there's a saying that goes ""Mother's knows best"" so if ang advice ni mommy nimo kay resign, resign nlng ming. Ayaw pag antos
Me: sge ming. I guess that's the right thing to do.
Jelly: ming naa lng koy eh ask. What if makigkita si Drake nimo?
I don't know how to answer that question. Im stuck on staying away from him and wanting to talk to him. All I know is that a part of me wants to hear his reasons and maybe all we need is a proper closure.
Me: i don't know
Jelly: ming I think much better if mo sugot ka para maka storya syas iyang side and basin closure ray kinahanglan nnyo.
Me: mahadlok ko ming, what if makabaw si Jasmine?
Jelly: eventually makabaw ra jd na si Jasmine.
Pag sulti niya ana kalit lang ko nga naka decide.
Me: Maglikay nlng jd ko ming. No need na makigkita or makigstorya ni Drake. Mo file ko resignation ugma.
The next day pag work nako ge duol ko ni Jasmine og worried kay sya nako. Nangayo kog sorry and I told her I went outside to buy some meds and nihapit nlng pd ko sa mall. She was also worried ngano wa daw ko ni reply and I told her nga na lobat ko. Wa naman sd syay dghan pangotana so no need nako mamakak pag maayo.
That same day I filed a resignation. Everyone in the office was shocked. Since I requested for an immediate resignation so ghatagan nlng ko sa company og 15 days work. Normally 30 days unta na pero ni hangyo ko kay niana ko emergency sa Cebu. Pagkahibaw ni Jasmine iya ko ge duol and nangotana sya ngano mo resign ko. Ge sayangan amo head nako and si Jasmine pd. She tried to stop me but I insisted. I told her there's an emergency in Cebu and that my mom needs me. Naguol si Jasmine and at the same time ni open napud syag balik nako nga if ever madayon ilang wedding ako kuno ghapon iyang maid honor. I just said yes but at the back of my mind naka huna2 nako nga once ma finalized ilang wedding, I will say no to her and I will tell her the truth. Honestly mura kog ge torture. Masakitan ko at the same time maluoy kaayo ko ni Jasmine. Hahayss
After work nag dungan mig gawas and pag gawas namo nag atang sa gawas si Drake og Tonton. I felt uneasy cause nagkita napud ming Drake but this time nag pa ka strong lng jd ko. Then nitingog rag kalit si Jasmine.
Jasmine: sya nga pala Ari i forgot to tell you nag text si kuya kanina sabi niya kakain tayo sa labas after work. Eh tre treat nya tayo kasi flight na nya tomorrow sa Australia.
I wanted to say no but naikog ko ni Tonton. And as what I've noticed with Drake, normal raman kaayo sya so naka realized ko nga I need to be strong too. I just need to fake it till I make it.
Ni sud mis mall and nakapili sila og restaurant. Pag lingkod namo sa table, awkward kaayo kay atbang mi ni Drake. I didn't know nga grabe kay sya ka talented. You can never tell nga kaila diay mi kay mura jd syag wa. I mean maayo jd kaayo sya mo pretend dmd.
FF ni order nami sa food and at the same time nag chika2 mi. First topic was about may resignation. But pag abot sa 2nd topic mura nakog mabuang.
Jasmine: Wala nakong bff sa office. Mamiss talaga kita Ari.
Tonton: Ari sayang ang position mo. Kailangan mo talagang mag resign?
Me: oo emergency kasi eh. Need ako ni mommy sa Cebu
Jasmine: Malayo na tayo but okay lang may communication pa din naman tayo. At saka pala itong si Drake Cebuano to, diba babe?
Ni tando si Drake nya ni smile.
Jasmine: Di pa kasi ako nakapunta nang Cebu at since may bahay sila doon gsto kong pumunta at pwede din tayong magkita Ari.
Tonton: Oo nga tas ang alam ko maganda daw beaches dun diba pare?
Drake: Oo pare pero matagal na rin akong di nakapunta.
Damn you! The last time you went to a beach in Cebu, I was with you asshole! Nangadto mig moalboal ato tss.
Jasmine:babe punta tayong Cebu tour nyo naman kami ni Kuya dun.
Tonton: Pag balik ko punta tayo
Sge lang tando si Drake and clingy kaayo si Jasmine. I don't know why but mura kog nairita ni Jasmine and at the same time nabuang nakos among ge storyaan. Mo adto pajod silag Cebu? Nagpalayo na gani ko Hays. And bilib kaayo ko kay grabe kaayo mi makadag pretend duha ni Drake. Mura rajod mig wa normal kaayo mi pero deep inside di na diay nako kaya. Mag ka lingi mi usahay pero mura ra jod og normal hantod nahuman mig kaon og nanguli mi.
Grabe Drake bilib na kaayo ko niya! Kaya kaayo niya mag pretend nga mura rag wa or basin wala njod ni para niya? Basin ako lang ang affected? Huhu. I don't know what to do. Pero thankful ko ato nga encounter cause na prove nako nga kaya nako mag paka strong og happy ko nga i've reached this far. In the back of my mind pila nalang ka days and kani tanan pag antos hapit na mahuman.
The next day nilarga na si Tonton. I guess 2 days after ato I can still remember nga padng nako matog nakadawat kog text gkan sa unknown number. Ang convo naa pa sa akong phone till now so ako eh copy paste dre.
Sender: Ari?
Me: Who you?
Sender: Drake
When I saw his name on my phone I freaked out. Kulbaan kaayo ko. Naglibog ko if mo reply ko or di. Based sa among convo sa akng phone ni txt sya ana 10:21 and it took me 20 mins to reply kay 10:41 nako naka reply jd. Pero bogo kaayo akng reply
Me: Drake who?
Drake: Your ex. Stop pretending pls
Me: I'm not.
Drake: You are
Me: So are you.
Drake: Can we talk?
Me: No need
Drake: Jasmine's not here.
Me: I'm not asking
Drake: I'm not staying in her place.
Me: I said. I'm not asking
Drake: I was just saying.
Me: Where did you get my number?
Drake: Jasmine's phone
Me: She knows?
Drake: No.
Me: Wtf Drake. I can't do this. You need to tell her.
Drake: I will but I need to talk to you first.
Me: about what?
Drake: everything
Me: everything? What do you mean?
Drake: We can't settle things over the phone.
Me: What?
Drake: Can we talk in person?
Me: No. If Jasmine finds out I'm dead.
Drake: I just need to talk to you.
Me: Not this way. You can talk with me but you should bring Jasmine.
Drake: Listen. We settle things between us then we put Jasmine in the picture.
Me: Bogo ka Drake?! Settle things? Put Jasmine in the picture? Naa na btaw mos picture! Ako naman ang way labot dre.
Drake: If wa tay need eh settle then why were you crying last March 25th?
Me: Because I'm happy for her. For you guys
Drake: Okay. But i still need to talk to you.
Me: No need. I need to sleep.
Drake: I won't stop until you will agree to talk with me
That was the last text cause natog nako. Pag adto nako sa office normal ra. Same routine then niuli ko. I don't know why pero bsag wa ko ni reply nag paabot mn nun kog txt ni Drake. Pero wa lng jd ko ni txt hantod mga 10pm to kapin ni txt napud sya. I don't know why but I was happy.
Drake: Musta na?
Me: Can you stop?
Drake: In one condition.
Me: what?
Drake: Let's talk in person.
Me: When?
Drake: you choose
Me: No, you choose.
Drake: I'll think about it.
Me: Okay. Just to let you know I'm going home to Cebu next next week.
Drake: Okay. I was just wondering why you resigned?
Me: emergency
Drake: What happened?
Me: bsta emergency
Drake: Okay. Hows tita?
When she asked about my mom I can't hold my tears. Murag nibalik najod ang tanan. And nikalit lang kog ka humok.
Me: She's doing fine. How about tita Fran?
Drake: She's okay. I told her about you?
Me: About me why?
Drake: about you and Jasmine.
Me: really? What's her reaction?
Drake: Na shock of course. Btw how are you and Tonton?
Me: Lol we're friends.
And he never replied after that. I went to the office the next day as usual, same routine. I went home and wa na sya ni txt nako. 3 days has passed I don't know why but I missed him pero d jd kom txt og una niya. Ni book napud kog ticket para uli Cebu. Until one night around 11 pm pdng 12am nitingog akng phone and nakamata ko. Drake was calling. Ako ge cancel iyang call. Then naka receive kog msg.
Drake: Still up?
Me: nakamata ko
Drake: oh sorry. Ari can I ask something?
Me: what?
Drake: what's your relationship with Tonton?
Me: I told you we're friends.
Drake: I'm with my friends right now. We're drinking.
Me: Wrong send.
Drake: No it's for you. How are you?
Me: I'm fine.
Drake: Are you in a relationship right now?
Me: no.
Drake: I missed you
I can tell nga medyo naka inom na sya the way sya ni txt nako.
When he sent me the ""i missed you"" msg. I couldn't move but one thing's for sure.... I missed him too huhuhu. His smile, his voice, his hug and everything. But ang ako ge sud sakng mind that time kay si Jasmine. So i replied in a different way.
Me: lol
Drake: Sorry.
Me: engaged naka. Please take good care of Jasmine.
Drake: We need to talk pls. When is your flight?
Me: April 15
Drake: Don't go. Pa as if ni Jasmine nga mo uli naka that day. I will pay you. Please Ari that's the best time we can talk.
Me: I'll think about it.
I don't have plans nga magkita pami but there's a part of me nga gsto maka strya si Drake. The closure that Jelly was talking about. I decided to be quiet about this. Wa koy ge sultian bsan si Jelly cause I want to make decisions on my own.
Everytime magkita mi ni Jasmine sa office, I can't help but feel bad about myself because I know that I've betrayed her. Felt like I'm a traydor bestie. But what can I do? I can't fight my own heart. And I badly need to talk to Drake too so we can put an end to all this drama.
After one week naka decide nako na I will go with Drake's decision. I will fake my flight. And mission accomplished. That same day April 15, 2017 I remember going back to my apartment nga murag buang ga dala2 og bag pang travel tss. Around 7pm I received a txt from Drake. Ingon sya padong na sya sa akng apartment. Nakulbaan nako og wa nako nahimutang. Taod2 ni txt sya.
Drake: I'm waiting outside.
Pag gawas nako sa gate kita ko niya paspas kaayo akng heart same sa akng ma feel before. I can't explain how happy I am samot na pag sugat niya og smile nako. Ge pasakay ko niya sa ford and nag tapad mi sa likod. I found out nga sa iya ning friend ang car and mao sd among driver that time. I asked him about Jasmine and he said nga nananghd sya ni Jasmine nga kuyog sya sa iyang friends. That's when I knew nga kabaw diay iyang mga friends namo. Then gihatod mi ni Ben sa Solaire. I found out nga ni book na diay si Drake 2 days ago og overnight stay. While nag lakaw mi pdng sa among room mura nakog mabuang. Kami ra duha for one night but the same time bug'at kaayo akng paminaw cause nakonsensya ko ni Jasmine huhu.
Call me a traitor, snake and everything. I know a real friend won't do this, but sometimes you just have to stop thinking so much and go to where your heart takes you. If you were in my shoes, trust me it's freaking hard to tell Jasmine everything. It fucking hurts when you go through something that kills you EVERYDAY but you have to act like it doesn't affect you at all. And the most fucked up joke the universe will play on you is letting you meet the right person at the wrong time. I am fully aware of the situation I am in and it sucks when you know in your head that you need to let go of something, but you don't because you still have hopes in your heart that something impossible might happen. I did my best to stay away but sometimes no matter how much you try, when it's REAL you really can't walk away...
When we entered the room, I felt uneasy. Mixed emotions kaayo. I felt nervous, happy and at the same time guilty kaayo. I didn't like the fact nga naa mi sa usa ka room for an overnight stay. And one thing's for sure if we get too careless then something crazy would definitely happen.
Me: Sa tanan place nga pwede adtoan why here?
Drake: No choice. If naa tas gawas there's a chance nga naay makakita nato. And I can't imagine going to a cheap hotel with you.
Me: Okay. Are you aware nga nag cheat nata ni Jasmine?
Drake: i know. Don't worry. Mag storya rata to settle things between us.
That time naa nami sa sofa but naay dako nga space and nag atubangay mi.
Drake: I don't know how to start pero gsto lang ko makabaw nganong nakig buwag ka nako?
Me: Okay I admit naka chat ko nimo ato but diba mutual understanding man to?
Drake: My god Ari. Taw ra tawn ko og usahay masakitan pd ko. Ever since pag larga nakos Australia ka 4 nako nimo ge buwagan thru chat.
Ari: Nausab ka pag larga nimo. Sge pajd tag away sa mga way hnungdan nga butang. Nagtuo kag easy para nako? Mingaw intawn kaayo.
Drake: I never changed sguro wa lng ta na anad og long distance. And if mo ana ka nga ge mingaw ka nako, kay ngano ako wa? Taga away nato nag away sd mi ni papa. I know nag huna2 sya sa akng future pero iyang ge guba sad akng relasyon nimo. That day nga nag buwag ta wa ko ni bother og contact nimo kay I thought mag ka okay ra ta. After 3 days nakulbaan nako kay wa najod ka ni reach out nako. Ge pangita tkas fb pero d na tka ma contact as well as skype.
Me: really? If plan jd nimo nga mo contact nako nangita unta kag lain ways. Dghan tag mutual friends sa fb ngano wa man nimo chati?
Drake: God Ari! You know me diba? I'm a private person and d ko ganahn mo among og lain taw. That time hopeless napud ko cause lisod kaayo eh settle if dili in person. Broken hearted kaayo ko and kabaw si mommy ato.
Me: Kay ngano Drake ako di? Ha? For how many months sge pakog hilak. And sa time nga nka move on nako nakaila pajod nko si Jasmine. Dawat naman unta nako nga wa ta. Pero sakit lng kaayo ba. Na piit man kos inyong sitwasyon gd. Maong gsto nako mo layo. Engaged naka oh. Atong ge buang si Jasmine ani. Past is past.
Drake: Jasmine? Okay just to let you know 2 years kapin pa mi. Actually after nimo wa nakoy nakitang lain. And then suddenly I met Jasmine in Australia. Frst encounter pa lang namo ni Jasmine I can tell nga naa syay gsto nako. I never mentioned anything about you. Until one time nag inom mi and naka sulti ko niya nga im not ready for a relationship pa tungod sa akng past. She insisted and she said nga okay ra tabangan daw ko niya nga mo believe in love again. Tabangan daw ko niya nga mo move on. Wa ko nanguyab niya but suddenly natinga ko nganong uyab nami. Well I can say nakatabang sya cause after nag sge namig kuyog naka limot2 nako nimo. One time nag damgo ko nimo nakamata ko tunga2 sa gabie and nakahilak ko. Nahadlok ko so pag 5 months namo naka realize ko nga mo propose ko ni Jasmine kay basin mas mo lig'on akng feelings niya and totally mawagtang najd kas akng hunahuna. Tungod ni Tonton mao nagkaila mi ni Jasmine. Namatay iyang papa and need sya mo uli sa Manila. That time nahadlok ko kay nag flashback nasad atong relasyon nga Ldr. So after nag lagyo mi I did my best nga mag ka okay mi. Until one day ni share nlng sya nako about nimo. Nakulbaan ko cause nisulti syas imong name and samot na nga pag ingon niya nga taga Cebu daw ka. Nang stalk ko sa iyang fb pero wa may naka tag nga photos. Starting that day sge nakog huna2 sa iyang ge storya. Until one time ni post syag picture ninyo sa Palawan. Og ddto nako na confirm nga iyang pasabot nga Ari kay ikaw. Pagkita nako nimo wa ko kasabot pero nakulbaan ko. Ni stalk kos imong fb pero di ko kita sa mga post nimo i think naka private. Kalit lang ko nausab. Murag the way nako ge dala si Jasmine mao sad ang way nga ge unsa tika before. Nag send ko niyag video nga gkanta atong themesong, mga pickup lines nga ge gamit nato sauna and naglibog nako sa akong love ni Jasmine that time. Nisulti ko ni mommy and niana sya nga mas maayong mag kastorya ta. Nag plano ko nga mo uli sa Pinas. Excited kaayo ko pero di tungod kay magkita mi ni Jasmine pero tungod kay makakita ko nimo. Ni gwapa kag samot and akng ge ka hadlokan lng kay basin taken naka pero ni salig ghapon ko. Mo sulti na unta ko ni Jasmine pero nahadlok ko kay basin mag away mo og ma guba nko inyng friendship. So naka naka realize nga mag paabot kog perfect timing nga masukti nako niya. Until one day ni share nlng og kalit si Tonton about nimo. The way sya mo storya murag naay kamo. Kapila na kuno mo nanglaag and sge kuno mog txt2. Wa ko kasabot pero nasakitan ko. Natandog ko. So naka realized ko nga kalimtan na tka og padayonon nlng nako si Jasmine total sa panahon nga wala ka na love naman pd nako si Jasmine. Gsto ko pasuyaon ka at the same time pra mas ma higot nako ni Jasmine so nakig plano ko ni Tonton nga eh surprise si Jasmine ig bday at the same time mo propose ko niya in front sa iyang family. So nanawag ko ni Jasmine and niana ko nga June pako maabot. Nalain sya nako ato pero na okay rami. Ge ingnan pd nako si Tonton eh invite iyang mga suod sa work para ma surprise jd si Jasmine and gsto ko nga mismo ikaw maka witness sa panghitabo. Pero that day nga niabli si Tonton sa van wa naman nun nako napugngan akng kaugalingon. Na realize nako nga murag love pajod kaayo tika. Pero mura rakag wa. Casual kaayo ka. Nag pakalig'on lang kos akng kaugalingon og ge butang nakos akng hunahuna nga sguro mao ra jod to atng story. Basin ddto ra jd ta taman. Pero pag propose nako ni Jasmine natinga ko nganong nihilak ka. Kaila ko nimo Ari. Kaila kaayo ko nimo. Nakit'an tka nga nagdali dali kag gawas ge sunod tika nya pag tawag nako nimo nag dali2 kag sakay. Ddto naka realize ko nga basin love pako nimo. Please tubaga ko. Ngano ni uli ka atong adlawa? Nganong ni resign kag kalit?
Me: Yes Drake. Affected ko! Happy naka? (i was crying na) Sakit kaayo nga kita ko nimo ni propose sa akng bestfriend. Grabe kasakit. And ang reason nga ni resign ko cause di na nako kaya. Sakit na kaayo taga adlaw. And kami ni Tonton friends ra jd mi. Way kami. Kapila na sya sgeg char nako pero wa nako sya patuli and I think nakabantay sya kay one day niundang naman sya.
Drake: and about Tonton? Nagpaabot kos time nga molarga sya para mka communicate ko nimo. Kabaw baka nga almost everyday mi mag away ni Jasmine? Sge syag hsgot sa akng ex which is ikaw but never ko ni storya sa imong tnuod pangan og never nako syang ge pa kita og picture namo. Akng pag treat ni Jasmine di parehas sa akng pag treat nimo sa atng relationship. Kapila ko nakig storya ni Jasmine sa akng tnuod nga feelings pero usa ra iyang eh storya makat'on ra daw kog love niya. I did my best, loyal ko niya pero pagkita nako nimo balik d najod nako kaya mag pa pretend.
The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding jd huhuhu. After all these years love pajd diay namo ang usag usa. The sad part is naa si Jasmine sa present. Honest feelings and bad timing make the most painful combination jud hays. I love Drake, I really do but naay part nako nga d gsto pasakitan si Jasmine. Even though crystal clear kaayo nga love namo ang usag usa but still dili pwede cause naay mapiit na taw. So after sa among heart to heart talk, usa ra akng ge sulti Drake and that is to let him go. I told him nga nisugot ko makig kita niya to finally put a closure sa among relationship. To end all this drama and to finally put my heart at peace. Ni gawas kos hotel but iya kong ge pugngan. I told him to stop. And ang pinakasakit nga akng ge ingon niya before ko ni gawas ddto "Pag storya nato ron naka realize ko nga di na diay tika love so please undanga nani" and nilakaw ko og ni uli kos apartment. Perti kong hilak kay kabaw ko namakak ko niya. The truth is love pa kaayo nako sya. Pero naka realize ko nga selfish kaayo ko kung akoa rang self akng huna hunaon. My bestfriend Jasmine has been through a lot lately. I know love kaayo niya si Drake. And nasakitan ko nga mura ra syag rebound. Sa iyang relationship ni Drake i thought okay kaayo sila pero everyday diay niya ge pugos iyang self ni Drake. And I was happy nga nakat'on ra pud og love si Drake niya. I can't afford to hurt her even more cause I know nga 10x ang kasakit if makabaw sya nga iyang bestfriend kay mao ang ex sa iyang fiance nga insecure kaayo sya huhu. One of the hardest decisions you'll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or to try harder. Huhuhuhu but I guess i will walk away na hays.
When I got home ni txt si Drake nako.
Drake: Ari pls I know love pako nimo. Let's work things out.
Wa ko kabaw unsa akng eh reply but one thing's for sure it's definitely the last goodbye huhu. The saddest part in life is saying goodbye to someone you wish to spend your lifetime with huhuhu. I don't want to but I have to.
Me: Just because I let you go, doesn't mean I wanted to. You still mean everything to me but you're just not worth the fight anymore. The past is where you learned the lesson. The future is where you apply the lesson. So don't give up on the middle. And Jasmine is in the middle right now. She's your present and I'm your past. So pls don't give up on her. It doesn't matter who hurt you, or broke you down, what matters is who made you smile again. And that's her, Jasmine.
By tomorrow I will tell her everything. This will be the last time. Good bye!
And I never received a reply after that cause ge bali nako akng sim. The next day ni balhin kog hotel para di ko nya adtuon sa apartment. After 2 days ni booked kog flight pdng Cebu. Pag abot nakos Cebu ang pinaka una nga akng ge buhat kay ge msg nako si Jasmine. I told her everything and it took her 2 days to reply. Nasuko sya nako, traydor daw ko and uban pang sakit na words
pero it's okay dawat nako og kasabot kos iyang part. And akng last nga message niya is "Sorry and thank you for everything".
There's always that one person you'll never get over with no matter how long it's been. You can't stop the feelings you have for someone and you can't lie to yourself either because your heart knows the truth all too well. I love Drake so so much till now. He will forever own a piece of me that I can never take back.
At first, I was so scared to say goodbye, so scared to tell Jasmine, but sometimes you have to stop being scared and just go for it. Either it will work out, or it won't. That's life and it's part of your journey.
I chose the title #HeartWantsWhatItWan­ts because it's true that the HEART REALLY WANTS WHAT IT WANTS and this is why people do stupid things for love. But if you take your brain with you, you will realize that no matter how much you want someone, if the situation isn't ideal then the best thing to do is to let go and move on.
Till now my heart wants Drake but I know I'm brave and strong enough to handle this. Especially nga wedding nila this coming March. I found out cause ni reach out ko ni Jessy, one of our close friends sa work. I will delete all the msgs sa phone and mag start nakog move on. I know time will come nga maka ingon kos akng self nga "I remember the boy but I don't remember the feelings anymore".
I am Selena but Drake is not my Justin.
- Ari


  1. Sana all bestfrnd ganito and i hope ur bff realize na you give up your happiness and love pra nya.. Ur not selfies and thank u for sharing ur story.. Will pray ur healing ❤️

  2. Kato napd everything happens for a reason admin


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